Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Goodbye Karey

I don't have much to say today because I think you all know my words don't come out in my way right now. Or maybe it is in my way but they don't come with ease anymore.

I feel a strain.

Heavy paperweight on heart.

There's some kind of muzzle but I don't know why. Or I do but I don't know how to say what the muzzle is made of. Because the muzzle is a little muzzling when trying to describe the muzzle. See?

Oh, it's not just about muzzles.

When I was in grad school and was attempting to read more than was humanly possible in a single day, I would go to sleep at night and have strange dreams of misplaced and sometimes invented words floating around in my brain, nonsensical sentences, ornamental paragraphs of pure jabberwocky monologue.

"Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe."

- "Jabberwocky" by Lewis Carroll

This is what my voice feels like right now; recursive nonsense, my mind a think tank of anti-thoughts.

Life feels a little like that too, and looks a little too much like Bosch's Garden of Earthly Delights and I feel kinda like I'm the one bent over with the flower growing out of my ass, when I'd really like to be standing up, clothed, with the flower in my hand, maybe giving it to you, which I'm much more comfortable with.

On top of a jibberish voice, I have some sort of rhetorical laryngitis. I try to speak but it's just an inaudible, bleached out and faded whisper.

So today I'm just here to whisper.

I'm here to whisper a goodbye to Karey. I don't want to say she's a blogger, because she's so much more than a blogger. She is someone I love as a writer, but mostly as a person. And I'm just happy I get to share the earth with her and somewhere far away she's giving people huge smiles ear to ear.

It's strange how blogging friends come and go. I guess like how real friends come in and out of your life, probably because they are real friends.

The departure is just a little more abrupt I suppose.

So, Karey, if you're still out there, this is as good a whispered goodbye as it gets on the internets:


P.S. Pare, if you're out there, I miss you somethin awful too.

Old Wire Dog Muzzles by Feltbug from flickr.

Bye. by Nathan from flickr.


karey m. said...

you. are a sweetheart. this was a major compliment...don't think for a minute that i'm not blushing a bit.

i am.

thank you. i mean it.

Rassles said...

You've linked her before, and she wrote this amazing post on living in Jordan.


I remember that, and I remember it being impressive.

pssst: do not worry. There is no need to shout.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry for your loss (I don't think I've ever said that when there wasn't a death involved, but it's exactly what I meant.) If someone had told me how wrapped up you can get in the life of a person you've never met, are never going to meet, before I started blogging, I would have told them they were nuts.

It might feel like the words aren't coming, but they are, and you're still putting them together in a way that makes other people need to read them. It's OK.

Gypsy said...

How much do I love the Jabberwocky? So much. The words, nonsensical though they are, are gorgeous.

But I'm sorry your friend is bowing out.

And I also miss the heck out of Pare.

the cubicle's backporch said...

It's weird how you get used to reading people's blogs so much that they seem like people you know.

formerly fun said...

I was telling my husband today that I wish sometimes(a lot) that my blogging pals were close and that we could all have a beer or a coffee because I really like a bunch of you and there's all these stupid people around me that I either can't or don't know how to be friends with. The anonymity of the web can allow for a vulnerability and honesty that breaks through people's facade. This is where the friendship comes from. I feel silly when I miss you guys, like a giant dork, which I am so I guess it's okay.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

You'll find it...

Rachel said...

I understand how you feel. I love my blogging friends, they are a huge part of my life. People that dont blog dont understand that.

And you sent that email about sisters and a link to her blog, so I went and loved it and immediatly added her to my reader, then its goodbye the same day! What a bummer.

Maggie, Dammit said...

The loss of Karey's blog is huge, no doubt about it. I understand the paperweight and knowing Karey it's a gorgeous one and it's on my heart, too.

Bluestreak said...

Karey - All I can reply back is :(

Rassles - that's the post that hooked me in.

Prayingtodarwin - sounds weird to hear that but also very true. And yeah, you have to be doing this to really understand.

gypsy - I can read it again and again and love it too.

cubicle - i know and I love that what you know about them has very little to do with what they look like or their mannerisms.

FF - then we're both dorks cause I feel the same way.

DPH - thanks, until then I'll hang out in you and Key's comments sections and at least have a good laugh.

Rachel - it's well worth it to dig back through her archives.

Maggie - I'm so glad you didn't end up leaving in the end. I understand when people do it but with some people it just feels like a huge loss, but I'm trying to look at it like finishing a really good book you love and don't want to get to the end of as opposed to saying goodbye to someone.

A Free Man said...

I know what you mean about the Jabberwocky. I have to write for my job and at the end of the day, when I try to write my blog, lately nothing comes out but nonsense.

Lovely testament to a fellow blogger - person.

mongoliangirl said...

Sometimes a whisper is all it takes. I could learn a little something about that, eh? And I'm glad I'm not alone when it comes to loving my blogging pals. One of mine was recently struggling to keep at it and I kind of panicked.

Yo Momma said...

I get so attached to blogger friends. I know I shouldn't but I do. But if you think about it, reading someone's blog is sorta..intimate. A peek into their lives, their brain, their thoughts, their fears, - which is so much more than the usual how, how are you, what did you do this weekend bit you do with a lot of people you actually see in real life - its no wonder we get attached so quickly.

RTL said...

On a brighter note, what did Spike Lee have to say this week?

Spike Lee? Yes! Spike Lee!

For now on, time will be divided into BB and AB.

Which means George Washington is no longer the 1st president, he is the 43rd BB president. Jefferson is no longer the 3rd president, he is 41st BB president. Lincoln is no longer 16th, he is 27th BB.

Reagon 4th BB

George H.W. 3rd BB

Clinton 2nd BB

W. is 1st president Before Barack.

Barack is the 1st president A.B.

Father Muskrat said...

Came over from "Ask...". Like the pics of Spain; I was there this time last year, actually.

I'm listed on Humor-Blogs as well, but I like to think I don't pimp myself a bunch. Sometimes, I'm even downright serious.

Bluestreak said...

Father, not sure what pics you're referring to. Anyway, I guess we all pimp ourselves out one way or another.

we_be_toys said...

A girl who quotes Lewis Carroll is a girl after my own heart!
I haven't read Karey, but I did read Sarah Pare, and I miss her too.

Betsey Booms said...

I miss Pare too.