Friday, February 13, 2009

A Day in the Life of an Unemployed Blues

You are Bluestreak (or Blue Streak, as you have not been entirely unambiguous in terms of the spacing between your bisyllable name).

You are 32 years old, recently turned.

You are unemployed, by choice, as if that means anything other than that you are fucking nuts.

You wake up late.

You look at the clock and feel incredibly guilty, not because you have anywhere to be or anything to do, but because somewhere in the back of your mind you have the hunch that productive human beings who contribute to the machinery of society wake up earlier than this.

Yawn.

You opt not to shower again, and a heated debate takes place in your mind as to whether or not the brushing of one´s teeth is absolutely essential. The voices in favor of brushing win, since you know what happens to those that don´t take care of their teeth.

You read your book (you're reading In the Name of the Rose again, cause you love it and you just can´t buy another book right now until you finish the twenty million fucking books on your shelf you haven't read yet, that you wonder what the hell kind of intellectual ambition/jackassery possessed you to buy them to begin with).

You walk the streets that many people back home would give their left eye to visit on vacation but somehow that doesn´t mean shit.

You walk on the sunny side of the street y hace un día de miedo and you wonder why you ever thought looking for a job was a good idea.

An old woman speaks to you. "My child, guapa, can you spare any change for a coffee?" You reach into your pocket and purposely pull out only part of the change and tell her that´s all you have on you. You´re fucking unemployed and you can´t be giving money away, you reason. It´s not enough to get her a cup of coffee. Then you realize that not only is this the most interesting conversation you´ve had all day, but it´s the only conversation you´ve had all day.

You decide you need a cup of coffee and you go to the place you took your best friend when she came to visit, eleven (yes, eleven) years ago and you stare at the table where you sat with her and the fist of loneliness hits. When you go to pay with the change leftover in your pocket you realize there are only twenty cents there and you feel like an asshole for having not given all of it to the woman. Ugh. I can´t win.

You mosy on home and release the culinary monster that lives inside you on days when you have fuck all to do besides consume, prepare to consume, or think about your consumption.

Eventually, Luigi shows up to enjoy the roast chicken you have been basting, cooing at and otherwise speaking in infant-directed talk to for a couple of hours now.

The chicken is graciously and lovingly received by both self and spouse and the unidentifiable carcass, which are the only remains that you were unable to inhale are disposed of, as are the ideas you had of making chicken salad with the leftovers.

You then decide to witness the offering and slaying of a blogger virgin to the gods. Who are you to laugh? You can´t even think of anything to write about. But this qualifies as human interaction, right?

You drink way too much coffee for someone with nothing to do.

You space out for a bit and when you come to you realize you have re-grouted your entire kitchen floor and you go, "Oh fuck am I ever bored".

You decide it might be a good idea to start job hunting soon.

-Bluestreak

32 comments:

Rassles said...

Umberto Eco is wonderful. Because he's wonderful. And because I love just saying his name, and rolling the R. It's one of the most satisfying names to repeat out loud.

I'm doing it right now.

And fuck that. Stay unemployed, read, and write a book or something.

Rassles said...

And, as long as I'm on the subject, I think Tolkien was incorrect on his whole "cellar door is the most beautiful phrase" thing. Because a "B" is softer than a "D," and "cellar bore" is more appropriate, but makes no sense.

Bluestreak said...

Rassles, are you real? Or are you a figment of my imagination? Or are you communicating with me telepathically? I just saw Donnie Darko like two days ago where they said that same line in the movie. You are in my subconcious. B is much more beautiful than D. It´s got boobs.

Gwen said...

Hee. About the cellar door thing. My sister totally thought the idea of that originated in Donnie Darko. I argued with her for like 20 hours that it is, in fact, something that certain linguists (?)actually believe. She is a stubborn bitch. But I love her and shit. Anyway, I like cellar bore much better. Although "B"s are harder sounding and thus rarely considered beautiful. Can you tell I'm bored, too? Blue - I'm with Rassles. Write a book. I would be first in line to buy if you promised to have coffee with me. I promise I won't ask you to pay for it :)

Gwen said...

P.S. I was really excited to see a new post from you. And after reading, I was not disappointed.

Rassles said...

Gwen: Tolkien said it. You could argue he was a linguist, but not professionally, just logically. In the movie they just say like, "a famous linguist" or something.

Rassles said...

And Blues: How many times do I have to tell people about the psychic connectional hurricane? No one believes me.

It's a mad world.

Bluestreak said...

Gwen, thanks for the kind words. If you came to Spain, not only would I buy you a coffee, I might even throw in a croissant. That shit is tasty over here.

Rassles, you never cease to amaze me with the inner workings of your mind

Gypsy said...

Thank god you wrote again. I was bereft.

Also, I cannot be trusted to be unemployed. Some people remain good members of society, folding their clothes and paying their bills and getting dressed in the mornings. Not me.

hereinfranklin said...

Shit y'all are smart. I tried to read Name of the Rose a few years ago and couldn't get past chapter
3. I've blown away way too many brain cells on John Grisham and People magazine. But I do make a mean roast chicken. And I simultaneously want to be unemlpoyed and am afraid of being laid off. A four day week would be perfect

mongoliangirl said...

Ohhhhhh Blue...I was going to offer up something smarty pants, but only feel the urge to offer you a spork.

Brook said...

hahahah I feel the same way you do.... jobless... and now boredom is kicking in.... unlike you... I don't live in spain... I live in Laguna Beach, CA we can trade apartments for a month? hahhaa

Rtl said...

Any chick that can grout is pretty cool.

Bluestreak said...

@gypsy - yeah, you know things are bad when you put your morning coffee in a thermous so you don't have to get up from the couch to pour yourself another cup.

@hereinfranklin - yes, I would love to get a job where I could have an abbreviated week. Or just working mornings would be ok too. Dammit, I'm gonna hate starting a new job. I just have to completely get sick of being unemployed so that I embrace a new job. I don't know if I'm quite to that point yet.

@Mongoliangirl - spork happily received.

@Brooke - Laguna Beach, CA, are you kidding? Let's swap!

@RTL - yeah, I'm doing a little home improvement. It's either that or pull my hair out.

Mister Crowley said...

Er. Happy Valentine's Day to you too BS.

Maggie, Dammit said...

"the fist of loneliness hits"

I LOVE that.

RTLOVE said...

and you watched Donnie Darko.

What made Frank turn to the evil side of bunny rabbits anyways? And how about that Patrick Swazy? After "Dirty Dancing", I thought, the sky was the limit!! Then "Roadhouse" made me forget about The Marango with Cuban dance steps........

I recommended a book today and I want to recommend it again to a different set of readers..

"Almost Transparent Blue."

J-smut Literature. The Japan answer to "Tropic of Cancer."(except it good) There are 2 Murakami's.....we like Ryu better. He's dirty.

A Free Man said...

I've got that same stack of books.

This is such a strong post. Reminds me of times of unemployment that I've had from time to time - and I remember the ennui.

Bluestreak said...

@Mister crowley - thanks, right back atcha

@Maggie - that´s actually what it felt like.

@RTL - thanks for the recommend. I imagine anything you recommend is weird, which probably makes for good reading, but like I said, I have a million boring books in line before I can allow myself to buy anymore.

@Afreeman, the worst days of unemployment are Mondays. That´s when it really hits you.

the cubicle's backporch said...

And here I was hoping that the unemployed life would get more exciting. Ugh. (At least you have the homeless to talk to, for me it's the dogs and the chickens)

ghost of keywork said...

Stay unemployed. Seriously, for me. Stay unemployed. Smell the outdoors. Write about it. Trust me, you will have the structure again, and you will wonder why you didn't grab unemployment by the balls and twist. By twist, I mean exploit, and by exploit I mean get all the answers you wouldn't normally find during your work week. Shut the fuck up, Ghost. Ok, self, I will.

People in the Sun said...

I remember when I was looking for a job, I'd look at everyone outside and think, "All of these fuckers have a job! And I got rejected by Comcast." That's really a low point. I got rejected by IKEA, too, but that's more humorous than unbelievable. Then I got accepted to work at Provident Bank, and I was even more depressed because it meant I applied to work in a bank.

Man, you can write.

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Looking for a job sucks monkey balls-- keep regrouting the floor, it's got much more flexibility.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

Ok, these comments between you, Rass and Gwen are far too edumacated for my tiny little peon brain. So I will just say, hi.

Yo Momma said...

Bah! Before you get a job, lemme fly out there, get a coffee and be lazy with you in Spain. There's not a lot of things I excel in but I am the master of reading books and staying in my pajamas all day long. I might even throw in an ass scratch and a yawn. I get ambitious sometimes too.

Anonymous said...

Finding meaning through not working?

Aint buying. Nice try selling. Is this a strain of thought like religion? As in...Completely bullshit, except that it makes you feel better. Pass the pipe.

Happy Animals dont sit around and think about all the other animals that aren't siting around thinking about other animals.

The non-working really arent that deep.

rtl said...

That last one was me...

Rachel said...

you could have taken that carcass and made some yummy chicken broth with it.

hereinfranklin said...

Blue--come out, come out where ever you are....

Duck said...

I don't get how you got from the hygiene debate (I unfortuately know this one. Even moreso that I bought a ball cap) to grouting the floors?

They may have to revoke your laziness card ;)

(P.s. I'm off to Spain for two weeks in April. Just remembered I have to write that in my blog).

vishnuprasath said...

The job openings is more in india, but many of them doesn't know their related job positions.
Its the right time to get into your dream career.
apply jobs for india

People in the Sun said...

Vishnu, you're the greatest! Thank you so much! I was like, I know there are jobs, but I doesn't know my related job position!