Sunday, March 15, 2009

"Please don't wake me, no don't shake me...

...Leave me where I am
I'm only sleeping
Everybody seems to think I'm lazy
I don't mind, I think they're crazy
Running everywhere at such a speed
Till they find, there's no need

Please don't spoil my day
I'm miles away
And after all
I'm only sleeping"
-
The Beatles, I´m only sleeping lyrics.

When you are unemployed and kidless, sleeping in is not a luxury. There is something discomforting about waking up late and being starkly aware that you are not expected. Anywhere. By anyone. Nobody needs you to make them breakfast. Nobody needs you to pack their lunches. No reports need to be on anyone's desk by any time.

"Enjoy it while it lasts", a platitude spilling forth like vomit out of the mouth of every single person I've shared any conversation with in the past three months, and in the most bantering tone. "Yeah, I know". Thanks for the advice, oh brilliant one, endowed with the knowledge of obscure things. I would have never thought of that one.

Something is pressing in on your skull. It's the feeling of too much rest melded with perpetual boredom and guilt. You know if you lay your head back down you could easily sleep two more hours, despite already having slept ten. This isn't silky, princely rest. It is rest with resignation, surrender, defeatism, because there's nothing else to do but rest. You know that you'll feel better if you only get up and do something, tire yourself out a bit and actually earn those z's again. But it doesn't matter one way or the other if you actually do, to anyone.

Suddenly that all changes.

"You're hired."

On Monday I will have to be somewhere. Someone will be expecting me, like, really fucking early in the morning. If I don't show up things will be bad. People will be angry. Important shit won't get done, I guess. Cogs and sprockets will cease to link up, wheels won't go round, and the whole machine will malfunction. My presence will be required.

Nothing has really changed yet. I haven't started working. I don't deserve my double digit hours of sleep. Not yet. But now they feel like hard-earned vacation sleep. When I start to stir I grasp at the dreams so they won't leave me yet and let me hang out there for just a little while longer in sweet luxury.

I wish I had a couple of weeks to get used to the idea of employment again, to sleep in and enjoy it and pay credence to the million and one trite comments people have made about taking advantage of it, instead of sleep having felt like this for two months.

Oh, if I had only known that my presence would be required, mandatory again so soon. Ain´t life just like that?

-Blues

19 comments:

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Your first weekend... just imagine the blissful roll over.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

I was laid off in December. My daughter’s first grade teacher phoned the other week. Apparently, my daughter went up to her and said, “My Daddy got fired and nobody wants him.” I tried to explain that there’s a difference between “fired” and “laid off” but a 7-Year old only sees things in black and white.

Personally, I can WAIT to get back to 7 hours of sleep.

Thanks for the ear worm! At least it’s a great song.

Stevi said...

congratulations!
i recently went back to working in an office and i can't believe how lenient i am with my colleagues. i love them. woohoo i have colleagues.

kate said...

Good luck tomorrow! Can we get a full report??? Probably not, what with workplace discretion and all of that. Oh well. Have a good first day!

hereinfranklin said...

Good luck. And remember, all your clothes are new as far they're concerned.

mongoliangirl said...

Mmmmmmm...napping! Until it makes me feel worthless.

J and J Acres said...

Man, you nailed the 'sleeping in while jobless' thing head on.

I wish I knew when I would be getting a job again, ya know, so I could not worry about it and enjoy my time off!!

Bluestreak said...

@Xbox - I know the weekend will feel so much better, but dammit, I wish I had time to just take a quickie trip somewhere.

@Unbearable - I hear ya, but you know, I can find things to complain about in the most positive of circumstances. Best of luck in your search. Oh, and which ear worm, Dylan or Beatles?

@Stevi - well this will be a big change for me in that sense. I didn't have collegues in my previous job, so I haven't had collegues in years!

@Kate - I'll try to come up with a full report, although, of course I won't be blogging at the office.

@hereinfranklin - hahaha, thanks. I needed that actually. You don't know how tempted I am to go out and buy new clothes, even if just to celebrate the fact that I'm no longer broke!

@Mongolian, you need a nap what with all the barn pregnancy double shifts your pulling.

@J and J - the not knowing is the worst. If I had known I would be in the states for holiday, but since I couldn't leave because of pending interviews, possible phone calls, blah blah blah and of course not knowing when the funds would completely run out, I couldn't plan anything.

Fned said...

Congrats Bluestreak!!!

That is fantastic news and I'm really happy for you (even your post sounds tantito more optimistic than usual! ;))

Fned.

aldybaldy said...

glad to hear about the job! hope this shakes you up a little.

cheers!

aldy.

Rassles said...

Hells yeah, employment. As much as I loathe working, I can't imagine having nothing to do. I'm assuming I would react similarly to you, because really...it seems logical that being depraved of one sort of brain action would result in a sense of loss of purpose in other areas.

I hope this is what you need to propel yourself, friend.

Father Muskrat said...

Congrats! I'm going to be intentionally unemployed for a bit starting April 6.

Rachel said...

So how is your first couple days going?? I miss you. Ive tried to call a couple times, but you know how it is.

A Free Man said...

Hope it's going well. A new job can be good fun, stressful or soul sucking. Hoping you got the first one and the lustre hasn't worn off!

Gwen said...

I hate "Enjoy it while it lasts", though I'm sure I've said it. I hope your week at your new job went well. This weekend sleep and rest will take on a whole new meaning, I'm sure.

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Maggie, Dammit said...

Yes, life is just like that. I'm sure you're feeling it keenly now since you wrote this a bit ago. The grass is always greener, it always is, no matter what. How goes the new job?

Yo Momma said...

congrats on the new job!! hereinfranklin as a very very good point! Keep us up to date!

Bluestreak said...
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