Monday, July 28, 2008

Age blows

Age. It is happening and it is not what I expected. It is much more annoying.

I remember being 21 years old and thinking that I had absolutely no problem with ageing. I knew that the physical was not going to be there forever and the things that really mattered got better with age (sex, intellect, finances, emotional well-being, and ummm, there must be a few more examples). In other words, I had the optimism of a village idiot eye-balling the haystack he just tossed his fucking needle in.

For some reason, my 31 year old self has forgotten all about my 21 year old wisdom. I see my crows feet, my bastard arms that aren't supposed to look like that, those funky gray WTF hairs, my changing nose, the weird spots that appear out of nowhere, my fading and blurring tattoo (that just turned 13!)

My boobs are holding up alright against gravity-the-infidel, but let´s be honest, that´s only because they don´t weigh much. Plus I haven´t had kids yet, so we´ll see how it goes, I´ll keep you posted.

But what about sex, intellect, finances, emotional well-being? Yeah, yeah. Shut the hell up. I want to look hot, okay? And I don´t want to have to give up food and alcohol to get it.

A friend of mine once said, "my goal in life is to look good and have fun parties" and I envied her honesty about her lack of depth. Because I´m discovering I may have been being a bit dishonest this whole time, pretending to care about other shit more than my fleeting youth. And now I admit that I might spend more time in the mirror doing WTF double-takes than feeding my intellect. Truth be told.

So does anyone care to remind me that there are things more worthy than the fountain of youth? Or is ageing just the mortal coil that´s gonna just be with me from here on out?

-Bluestreak, shallower and shallower every day.

p.s. Don´t you dare tell me i look good unless you saw me naked when I was 21 and have seen me naked recently, and then your flattery MIGHT be taken seriously.

Alice in Wonderland illustrations by Sir John Tenniel from


miss hell said...

you know i think my favorite part of your blog are those "labels" at the end of them. GODAMN you are one sarcastic ass biatch! and yes, you are still fucking hot, get over yourself.

Rachel said...

HAHAHA. Kids will make you feel old. And I never knew that totally flat boobs could get any flatter..they do.

Bluestreak said...

miss hell: now everyone must assume you have seen me naked at 21 and at 31.

Rachel: that´s bad news all around

Bluestreak said...

p.s. miss hell, this post came to mind after a recent BBQ where I single out the only person there that was my age (you, honey) and forced them to listen to my bullshit.

neil wykes said...

surround yourself with older people. Works a charm for me

Love Bites said...

Speaking from the old, old, OLD age of 42, I think one of the greatest gifts that comes with age is learning to love yourself, as you are.

But yeah, I'd totally trade that bit 'o wisdom for my 22 year old boobs. In a heartbeat.

Still, I will say that I ENJOY my body far more at 42 than I did at 32 or 22. You start to realize that, "Honey, it sure as hell ain't going to get any better, and it will probably get a hellalot worse," so you let go of what you USED to look like in favor of enjoying what you DO look like while it's here. Because in 20 years, I know for sure I will be thinking, "Damn, I looked hot at 42."

And you know what? I'll be right.

Captain Steve said...

I miss my 14 year old boobs, screw the 21 year old ones! They were starting to sag then! I kind of miss my 21 year old ass though.

Mexico "Way" said...

Are you really 31? Cuz you talk like you are 71.

If it really bothers you, you can look into take human growth hormone. LOL.

But I say buy sexier clothes, get a new color and cut (hair that is) and buy some new heels.

New heels always help me.

Bluestreak said...

neil - thanks for the advice. that´s what got me into this mess to begin with, trying to still kick it with the young folk.

love bites - thanks for your words of wisdom. It´s so damn true. I´m gonna hate my 31 year old shit-talking self when I´m like 60 and going "oh fuck where did my boobs go".

captain steve - I looked like a boy when I was 14, so can´t relate.

mexico way - 71??!! jesus, I´m gonna be completely unbearable to be around when I´m old if I already talk that way now. Yeah, shoes always do the trick, I don´t have to try to fit an unmalleable ass into them.

Kristy said...

just thank god that your not ugly. Nature could have given you that lady... buck teeth, frizzy hair, bad skin, no sense of humour, horrendous laugh. Yeah you might of looked better when you were 21 than 31 but you are still not ugly. An ugly 21 year old is still worse off than a pretty 31 year old... Just look at ugly people in the street to make yourself feel better, there are, amazingly, alot of them. (Just dont look my way bitch or I´ll smack you out)

Bluestreak said...

oh my freaking god, Kristy I love you. thx for the laughs.

miss hell said...

FYI at that bbq almost everyone was our age sweetheart and you know i love listening to your bullshit, it helps me not obsess over mine :P