Drum roll please...

I´m not one for awards or achievements of any kind. Receiving them, that is.

I´m trying to recall any awards I´ve received in the past and the only one that comes to mind was when I was in the 5th grade Science Fair. I won 2nd place for an Acids and Bases experiment that was 100% designed by my dad´s girlfriend at the time, a 2nd grade teacher. I had no clue what acids and bases were but just saw a bunch of nicely organized cotton balls with different colors on construction paper. I remember being terrified when I won because I thought someone was gonna ask me a question or I would have to talk about it and everyone would realize I was a huge fraud (this same fear has accompanied me to date). My dad´s girlfriend had the best intentions, but being a second grade teacher, she could have made sure I had some inkling for what my project was about. Oh well, she ended up leaving my dad, which I thought was great for me, because I had recently seen Parent Trap and had a whole plan concocted in my mind for reuniting my parents. (Side note: the writers and producers of that movie should be burned at the stake).

Anyway, Awards and Achievements.

Grade school and Junior High, nothing. I was "uninvolved" according to my parents´accusations. I think it was because they forced me to do music and I hated it, quitting violin lessons cause the violin was too heavy, quitting singing lessons for fear of having to perform, quitting guitar lessons because I was embarrassed for having drooled on my guitar in a moment of intense concentration during a lesson once (my mouth was all full of braces and rubber bands n shit).

I tried out for the basketball team and made the "B team", which was a consolation prize for not making the "A team" (read: REAL team). They didn´t want us rejects giving up on our stupid dreams so they created a new team just for us. I sucked even on the "B team".

I tried out for cheerleading. (Insert game show noise alerting failure).

Gaaaaaawd.

High school, nothing. No Model U.N. No student council. No Spanish club. I joined track and field because I was in love with a pole vaulter, but asked the coach if it was possible to just go to practice and never compete. A resounding NO, was the answer. I quit again.

So you see, given this history, actually receiving an award makes me light up like a Christmas tree. I´m all silly and giddy now because I have an award for that scrapbook that never was.

Tobi et al awarded me with this:

“This blog invests and believes, in ‘proximity’ meaning, that blogging makes us 'close'. They are all charming blogs, and the majority of them aim to show the marvels of friendship; there are persons who are not interested when we give them a prize, and then they help to cut these bows; do we want that they are cut, or that they propagate? Then let’s try to give more attention to them! So with this prize we must deliver it to eight bloggers that in turn must make the same thing and put this text.”

So I´m passing this award on to eight bloggers, all for the same reason: because they make me drop whatever I´m doing, no matter how important whenever I see them updated in my reader:

El Guiri

Gnomespeak

Formerly Fun

Praying to Darwin

A Free Man

Sometimes I Make Lists

Xbox4NappyRash

Sanity, Interrupted


Thanks, Tobi, for making me smile.

xoxo

-Bluestreak

I was expecting a serious ass kickin'

Bluestreak has been reviewed.

When you voluntarily submit your blog for review at a site whose domain name is http://www.iwillfuckingtearyouapart.blogspot.com/ you have to kind of expect to get a good ass reaming.

I was prepared to have my limbs removed and then get beat over the head with one of them while being figuratively sodomized. (sound familiar, Key? I've had limb-fantasies ever since that post)

If you don´t know the folks over at Ask and Ye Shall Receive, they refer to themselves as dominatrixes who "love to deliver a well-placed and timely spanking". Formerly Fun refers to them as the "cool kids" that let you sit with them at lunch. I tend to think of them as the "bad kids" smoking cigarettes behind the dumpster at the 7-11 who may or may not kick your ass into an oblivion and then chuck your remains into the dumpster on your walk home from school, depending on your level of bad-assness and/or your ability to not talk shit (by having a crap blog).

Well it turns out the bad kids didn't chuck me in the dumpster after all. So this is my BIG THANK YOU to Calamity for the very kind review and the friends who commented.

If anyone else has any suggestions on how I can improve my blog, please feel free to comment here or at the review site.

-Bluestreak, silly grin ear-to-ear

Cause I´d rather be pimping than working

Ok, this is my final attempt to help Ghost of Keywork get votes for Hottest Blogger, besides I´m well out of material for the week, and bored as hell at work. If you haven´t voted yet, just hop on over and vote. We could help this well-deserving hottie win a trip to NY (he is, after all, paying his debt to society).

If you are like me, and are more into personality as opposed to looks, consider the following statements he has made in the last few days in the blogosphere, which swept me off my feet with his grace and charisma:

"How does this Mormon-With-Lots -Of-Wives thing work? Do I have to be Mormon?"

"Well, I haven't killed anyone yet, so I would say the detox is going well"

"Tired of doing something 'just because'? So was I. Know what I did? I snagged a couple of ankle monitors and now I do things because I 'have to or I'll go to jail for 90 days'."

"Violence in trees is a big turn on for me too."

"I guess I could have just cut to the chase and said, 'I want to fuck a cartoon, I'm a dork'."

"...I could have Jesus giving me a foot rub and people would still know that I'm no good."

"...I think I´m tearing up. Kidding, I just got maced by a librarian."

"Look, my panties, you've bunched them up."


So come on, friends, get your vote out for Key, one day left. If you hadn´t noticed, I voted for him cause he makes me piss myself laughing. Oh, and cause he´s hot in uniform.

Good luck, Key.

-Bluestreak

Age blows

Age. It is happening and it is not what I expected. It is much more annoying.



I remember being 21 years old and thinking that I had absolutely no problem with ageing. I knew that the physical was not going to be there forever and the things that really mattered got better with age (sex, intellect, finances, emotional well-being, and ummm, there must be a few more examples). In other words, I had the optimism of a village idiot eye-balling the haystack he just tossed his fucking needle in.

For some reason, my 31 year old self has forgotten all about my 21 year old wisdom. I see my crows feet, my bastard arms that aren't supposed to look like that, those funky gray WTF hairs, my changing nose, the weird spots that appear out of nowhere, my fading and blurring tattoo (that just turned 13!)



My boobs are holding up alright against gravity-the-infidel, but let´s be honest, that´s only because they don´t weigh much. Plus I haven´t had kids yet, so we´ll see how it goes, I´ll keep you posted.

But what about sex, intellect, finances, emotional well-being? Yeah, yeah. Shut the hell up. I want to look hot, okay? And I don´t want to have to give up food and alcohol to get it.

A friend of mine once said, "my goal in life is to look good and have fun parties" and I envied her honesty about her lack of depth. Because I´m discovering I may have been being a bit dishonest this whole time, pretending to care about other shit more than my fleeting youth. And now I admit that I might spend more time in the mirror doing WTF double-takes than feeding my intellect. Truth be told.

So does anyone care to remind me that there are things more worthy than the fountain of youth? Or is ageing just the mortal coil that´s gonna just be with me from here on out?




-Bluestreak, shallower and shallower every day.


p.s. Don´t you dare tell me i look good unless you saw me naked when I was 21 and have seen me naked recently, and then your flattery MIGHT be taken seriously.

Alice in Wonderland illustrations by Sir John Tenniel from Fundraw.com.

Know what I love about Spain? Portugal.

Reasons why my weekend in Portugal kicked serious ass:


Other reasons it kicked ass:

1). Didn´t smoke. Ok, just one. Thanks dude from Chiringuito. Thanks too for not hitting on us. I know you were almost blinded by my whiteness when I came up to bum a smoke, therefore you couldn´t see how hot I looked underneath the glare.

2). Played drinking games in rooftop luxury. What? How old am i again? Thirty-what? Thanks to the one that was young enough to remember the rules to those games. I had long filed those memories away under "stuff you should never do again if you have any dignity".

3). Ate ridiculously cheap food that was ridiculously good. Thanks, fish haters, more for me.

4). Had only thirty seconds tops pass between severe laughter seizures, thanks to you and your lovely madness.

Now I just need to make a list of reasons why I need to get back to work.

-Bluestreak

Spring Fever....A Happy post about nothing.

Ahhhh, Spring Fever. I admit to not ever knowing what that term meant until I moved to Seville. Why is the Spring so much more intense here?? Suddenly there has been a change in the air and I am not such a whiner anymore. It is just hard not to be insanely happy when the orange blossoms usurp the city like this and you leave work and you still have a little bit of day left! Everyone around me is suddenly so good looking too. What is with that? Maybe it is all the skin I keep seeing.

I feel like I have been complaining all winter and now I have something to truly be grateful for. It comes in waves living over here. But I admit that when I have visitors come to town, especially when it is spring, I start to view this city again like I did the first time I came here (thanks for the visit John and Kelly!). I guess it is easy to take the surroundings for granted when you have to get up and go to work every day just like anywhere else. Sometimes I think people are under the impression that we are in a constant state of bliss just for living here, when that is not the case at all….but I can say I feel a little blissful these days.

Maybe it was the trip to Barcelona last weekend that has made me so happy. You know you are an American expat living in Seville when you go to Barcelona for Indian food.

Life is good and it smells fucking great in this city.

It is Friday, I do not know what the hell I am still doing at work with this kind of weather, and I am about to go have a beer.


-Bluestreak.