Number of people currently drunk and posting under "bluestreak": 1
Number of days home: 2
Number of siblings still willing to get drunk with me: 2
Age difference between me and one of said siblings, which explains why they will still get drunk with me: 9 years.
Number of family members that tonight I discovered have been arrested and spent at least a night in jail: 2 (WTF????!!!!)
Number of beers needed to be able to begin to handle a meal with Spanish parents-in-law who have accompanied us on this trip to the states: 2 (clash of civilizations post in workings)
Number of times I've felt like banging my head against the wall during a meal: >10
Number of cigarettes smoked that I was made to feel like a crack addict for smoking: 10 (yeah, I'm an asshole, I know I said I was quitting)
Number of cigarettes my instincts have told me to smoke: 1000+
Number of times people have asked me when I'm going to have a kid: 28
Number of times I've wanted to smack someone for asking me a stupid question: 28
Number of times I've wanted to throw up because one of the people asking the question was younger brother who attempted to discuss my sex life at the dinner table: 1
Percentage decrease in size of functional ovaries each time I'm asked the question: 3.5%
Projected weight gain during next two week period due to a mix of nervous eating and gorging on food I miss: 10 lbs.
Number of people that need to get their ass to bed and sleep it off: 1