Saturday, October 25, 2008

Today I had my citizenry questioned (and probably deserved it, but whatever, Dipshit)

I spend a good portion of my life abroad waiting.

Waiting for old ladies that cut me in line.

Waiting for people to unload their sundries from their car on a narrow Spanish cobblestone street while I’m trying to get by on my public bike that I just waited in line to be able to get.

Waiting for my Spanish friends when we’re walking to another bar because they don’t walk at the normal pace that Americans do.

Waiting for wait staff to decide that they might take my order if they are bored and have nothing better to do.

Waiting for people to do things when they are damn good and ready.

Today, in the spirit of biculturalism, I attempted to partake in this very Spanish custom of making random strangers wait. I was getting my groceries from out of Perplexus´s car and got lambasted by a man with his family who couldn’t get by. His exact words (translated) were:

"I guess our concepts of citizenry must be different".

Dude, bite me. He only said that because I’m a foreigner. If I were Spanish, he would have waited like all Spanish people have to do for each other all the damn time.

I admit it; I shouldn’t have made him wait, as it always bugs me when Spanish people make me wait. BUT FUCKING HELL, "our concepts of citizenry must be different"???. Yeah, dude, I was right about to start chucking random pieces of trash in your direction, and then pull my pants down and take a piss on your shoes, because you know, that’s what we do where I’m from.

-Bluestreak, the damn foreigner.


among found objects said...

The part that I don't understand is where did he want us to go. Did he expect me to throw you out of the car along with your groceries while I kept moving. There was (for the record) no place for me to just pull aside. These streets werent made for cars, they were made for horses. Next time I will remember to ride you in on my horse and have it take a dump on his sorry ass.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

All the bloody time, we get that.

'Fucking Buitenlander' has been hissed at me frequently.

They want you do do as they say, not as they do.

Manager Mom said...

Hey bluestreak... I had no idea that "citizenry" was so linked to "waiting." Seems a bit odd for the guy to get worked up over.

also dropping by to say that I shut down my blog, but thanks for all of your reading and commenting ... it's been fun. Keep on writing and don't let the Spanish get you down.

All the best,

Jennifer aka Manager Mom

A Free Man said...

I have found that the locals (whether here or in the UK) always get mad at me for things that they themselves do. A friend of mine used to say "If you spot it, you got it."

kate said...

Amen, sister!

Brook said...

hahahah... so funny! especially since American are always in a hurry... go figure! please tell me you told him to FUCK OFF!

Clarissa said...

OH! The number of time I took the defensive stance in line at Corte Ingles when one of those little old ladies came angling by. You are absolutely right ... he would have never said it to a spaniard. Fucker.

Bluestreak said...

Perplexus - that would be awesome to go grocery shopping on a horse.

xbox - wow, that's really ugly. When I'm with my English speaking friends at a restaurant we often get shushed. And Spanish people are EXTREMELY LOUD. But it bugs them that we are speaking in English.

Manager Mom - I'm sorry to see you go, I really loved your blog. If you ever start up again, please stop by here and give me your new URL.

Afreeman - I'm glad other expats notice this too and it's not just me. It does really make me appreciate what immigrants in my own country must go through.

Kate - I know you know all about the waiting.

Brook - I was too pissed to say anything, I just ran off with my bags, but Perpelxus got a good insult in there.

Clarissa - the old ladies have it all figured out, they get their errands done quicker than anyone around here.

Captain Steve said...

Dude, what a douche. Perhaps that's the incredibly vulgar Iowan in me, but really.

mongoliangirl said...

OK. I'm all about pissing on somebody's shoes. Specifically, IN their boots. But that's a whole other story. And yeah, this weekend some friends were over and borrowed our muck boots and coats to go into the barn and I thought they looked ridiculous dressed exactly as I do every day. WTF?

the cubicle's backporch said...

You know that that guy makes people wait on a regular basis. You should've showed him some real American citizenry and gave him the bird. Does THAT mean the same over there?

Anonymous said...

You know, when I travel in Europe I'm always so careful not to be an "ugly American." But I sometimes wonder if the folks who come over here (U.S.) take the same care? Of course, when I'm at home I'm almost always an ugly American because I'd rather eat crumbly toenails than wait in line.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Good lord. That double standard shit just pisses me off. You hit the nail straight on the head. If you had been Spanish, he wouldn't have thought twice about it. Just as I am sure with all the minor parking fender benders that going unnoticed by Spaniard on Spaniard action. Get a non-Spaniard with the same behavior and suddenly things are not so copacetic.

Gypsy said...


Rassles said...

Wanna know what pisses me off?


Florida Girl In Sydney said...

"Yeah, dude, I was right about to start chucking random pieces of trash in your direction, and then pull my pants down and take a piss on your shoes, because you know, that’s what we do where I’m from"

That's totally what we do where I'm from too.

karey m. said...

your past three posts are BRILLIANT! they leave me smiling and my heart beating a bit faster.

killer writing, you.

{i loved the last ten minutes i've spent reading over here. really. i feel like i need to keep repeating to convey my glee. is it working?!}

Bluestreak said...

Captain Steve - perfect word to describe him - douche.

Mongoliangirl - hahaha! It would have been kinda hard to piss IN his boots, but next time someone does that shit to me they are getting pissed on SOMEWHERE.

Cubicle - yes, I believe the bird is pretty international at this point. The bird would have been too polite in this case though.

Hereinfranklin - I try not to be an ugly american too, but sometimes I just don´t give a shit (which then gets me shushed at a bar).

Notafraidtouseit - you said it! People have what we would consider accidents here and they just drive away after a little yelling out the window.

Gypsy - I´m sure your brother would have stories like this one, we all do.

Rassles - me too! I think it was all the waitressing I did in college that has made me a misanthropist.

Floridagirl - I should have added that I would then get up on a soapbox and start preaching against democracy.

Karey - your comments always make my day. *grinning ear to ear*