You may recall how I told you about how everyone around this place does everything at the same damn time? It´s like Spain has one collective herd mentality mind and they get together each morning and vote on whether they should scratch their balls first or put their slippers on before getting out of bed.
So it´s August, and if you live in this city, that means "NOT EVEN GOD" IS WALKING THE STREETS, as the Spaniards say. This city is a ghost town.
Ghost town= chances of some dirty old man with plaid shorts and sandals whipping out his dick at you manifold exponentially.
So I walk these lonesome streets, you know, because I have to fucking work in August like a schmuck (and yes, I´m bitter), unlike every other person that lives in this place, who is currently at the beach right now eating an ice cream cone (I swear they are all eating an ice cream cone right now, it´s clockwork around here). This means that if you are unfortunate enough to have to walk the streets in August, everyone that passes you is a potential pervert prepared to whip out his chorizo surprise for your benefit.
It hasn´t happened yet (maybe I´m not as old-man-dick-whip-outable as I´d like to think). Although I did see a man peeing in a bush and when he saw that I could see his exposed genitalia, he didn´t seem to mind a bit. But admittedly he didn´t whip it out for my sake, so he doesn´t count. He´s just an asshole that pisses in the street (the street pissing epidemic in Spain is deserving of it´s own post so I´ll save it). But the potential for whip-outage is always there and I see it in their perverted eyes.
It´s like they are pissed cause they aren´t at the beach either and so whoever they pass is going to either see their dick or fear they might.
-Bluestreak, avoiding old man wiener for a few more days.
p.s. if you didn´t vote for Ghost of Keywork yesterday as Hottest Blogger, do so now here. He has reconsidered his hot-awareness strategy by posting a military picture of himself, which might not be for you, but it´s better than old man dick, so vote. But it´s still the house-arrest-anklets that get me.
"La sombra quebrada de una farola" by González-Alba from flickr
"Barrio Sta Cruz" by Jose OHM from flickr
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16 comments:
I've seen unwanted chorizo at least 2 times (that I can remember).
There were probably more but only a couple stick out (pun intended). One time I was coming home from the beach and this guy was pleasuring himself in the jungla. He didn't care that I saw and well I just went on my way.
The other time was on valentines day and this gross man whipped it out at me just as I was getting in my car saying "lo quieres?". Yeah no. Not so much.
"¿lo quieres?"...um, yeah, buddy, what a coincidence, actually I do. WTF? What does he expect you to say in that case, honestly?
So you have run into the bald, plaid shorts and sandals guy too!?
Unfortunately I have had at least three of these experiences, one just last week from the window of the bank across from my office.... What was he doing in there at 8pm in August anyway?!
Anonymous - that´s exactly my thought whenever I see any old man walking through the streets of Seville in the afternoon in August. What the hell are you doing? You must be perverted.
Thanks a lot, Bluestreak, you're a trooper and my favorite expat for sure.
Hee hee.
You said chorizo.
Dude. He's HOT, and I had no idea.
Too bad I'd used up my vote already. :(
"chorizo surprise" - that's so fucking awesome.
you have been blogging up a storm while i've been away my dear!
can't wait to see you sat - or maybe even before. tonight i'm dead to the world thanks to the wonder of jetlag. xx
I can't say I've ever been exposed to unwanted chorizo, so I'll live vicariously (I know that spelling is wrong, but you get the point, right?) through you. How did you get stuck working in August while others frolick and eat ice cream on the beach?
ghostkey - awwwwwww I´m someone´s favorite expat. That means something coming from a hot and smoking military dude (I´d say more but I try to keep my blog PG-13, I´ll get all X-rated over at your blog).
Rassles - I thought about saying Morcilla which is spanish blood sausage, but thought that might scare people away.
Immoral - damn. Oh well, at least Key gets hot exposure.
Sarita - beware of the chorizo surprise. It will get you. You missed out on a fun sushi night last night. Rest up for sat!
Jen@ - you´re lucky. Don´t come to Seville in August or you might. Re working in August, I ask myself that question every day.
Did you take that picture?
Mr H - no...fuck, thanks for reminding me. i forgot to link back to the photos on this post. Ok, there. P.S. Didn´t know you hung out round these parts...thanks for stopping by. How all in AZ?
Yeah, my blog is like that island from Pinocchio. Just don't turn into a jackass. IM, thanks for the hot exposure, it's appreciated. Again, Bluestreak, thanks for pimping my ass all over your blog.
Also, IM, you can still vote for me. They just won't let you vote twice for anybody.
Awesome. On more than one level.
Ghostkey: I´ll try hard to keep my jackassness in check, although right now it´s kind of enveloping my life, so I make no guarantees.
Pare - thanks! glad you dropped in.
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