Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Olympics bores me to tears. Come on, world, let´s do something I care about.

Alright, I get it. These people are crazy machines and they deserve semi-deity status. But why is this so important? How did the entire world get together and decide unanimously that people running and jumping over hurdles and doing crazy shit with sticks would be the main thing that would unite humanity? I thought sex, alcohol, and food united humanity. Oh, and religion, but that´s no fun.

Is the Olympics supposed to give me hope? In what? In the fact that there are super-humans among us and I´m not one of them? In human potential? In dream achievement? Does it remind us of that great idea we had that there are winners and losers and the winners are there cause they deserve it? Aaaaaaaa, fuck this.

Rassles got me thinking about some missing activities from the Olympics, so here are some of my ideas of what we could do every four years as a world with various representatives from different countries (I´ll volunteer if necessary):

1). Play drinking games and then vote on which country handled themselves the best, acted the dumbest, were the funniest, made the biggest asses out of themselves, lost all their money, etc. Losers get to be drunk and stupid.

2). Make a bunch of food and then vote on which meal was the yummiest, which was the sickest, etc. The losers have to eat their sick ass food.

3). Watch representatives from different countries have sex (OK, I´m not volunteering anymore) and then vote on who was the sexiest, kinkiest, sickest, etc. I don´t think there are any real losers in this case.

4). Every country gets to play music and then we vote on who ruled the most (this is NOT EUROVISION) Kill me, Eurovision.



If the Olympics had these activities, I would watch them happily and it would give me way more faith in humanity than watching a superhuman do weird-ass flips on a balance beam, cause then I would begin to identify with the human race again.



-Bluestreak



"Yay for the Olympics" by kk+ courtesy of Flickr.

17 comments:

Jen @ The cubicle's backporch said...

I like your new Olympic entries! Now THOSE would be worth watching!

I will admit that I've only watched the gymnastics so far. And I accidentedly saw Michael Phelps win two gold medals.

Bluestreak said...

thanks Jen, oh, I admit watching it too, just hated almost every second of it. Especially the damn disk throwing or whatever it´s called. I wish I had those 15 minutes of my life back to do one of the four things I listed here.

Immoral Matriarch said...

I haven't watched any of it this year. My own personal boycott. Tibet and Darfur and whatnot. :P

But - I love me some trampolining! I found out last Olympics how AWESOME that is. Check it out!

Oh - and I did see photos of I think a Russian weight lifter break his arm. Ow.

ghost of keywork said...

I'm all about women's volleyball. Mostly because I'm a pervert. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'll come around here to hate on the olympics with you.

Bluestreak said...

immoral matriarch - trampolining, hu? ok, i´ll give it a shot.

ghost of keywork - thanks to you. perverts always welcome here.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

I'm volunteering for numbe 1 and number 3. Cause that's 2 of the 3 things I do best. Drinkin' and Fuckin'.

miss hell said...

i was with you till we got to the sex capade one. hhhmm, that would be much too complicated and we know that in some countries they are still highly religous and it might be offensive and besides that i don't really want to see people having sex you are a PERV.

Bluestreak said...

dirty pirate hooker - ok, now you have piqued my curiosity as to what the 3rd thing you do best is.

miss hell - you don´t want to see people having sex??? hhaaaaaaaahhaaahahahaha. That´s the funniest damn thing I´ve ever heard. give me a break, girl, don´t think i don´t know what a perve you are. you are waaaaaay more perverted than me. I´m a puritan compared to your ass.

ghost of keywork said...

Yeah, I'd much rather watch people have sex than watch people swim.

Bluestreak said...

ghost of keyworks: there´s not a whole lot that I can think of that is more boring than watching people swim. Yes, sex definitely wins over swimming.

Yo Momma said...

you've obviously never seen the grandest game of all - badminton, agreed with Immoral - trampolining is the shit.

(yeah, badminton. sorry - asian in da house..)

But I'm so down with all your Olympic suggestions.

Bluestreak said...

Yo Mamma - badmitton, trampolining. Right, right, I agree these activities may have some value in them in some cases (like if I have to pick between watching these events and watching open heart surgery). But I'm trying to figure out why the world decided that these are the activities that unite humanity and that we should repeat every four years. Makes no sense.

Global Gal said...

I really wanted to comment on this post when you first posted it, but the "Great Firewall of China" would not allow me to. I am also bored to tears by the Olympics, but unfortunately, every time I turned on the TV, it was on every single channel. TV is state controlled in China, so we had no choice. You know what bothers me the most? That gymnastics event where they dance around with a ribbon. That's a sport?!

Captain Steve said...

Have you seen synchronized swimming? They have perfect makeup, they're working their collective ass off, and they're smiling. I think it's a euphemism for the way chicks are supposed to be, but aren't.

Bluestreak said...

global gal - ribbon dancing: reason #137 of why i hate the olympics.

captain steve - I actually used to do synchronized swimming as a child. Then I became a feminist.

Kristy said...

I mean you cant say you dont love the hammer throw? i LOVE that shit, whomp, whomp, whomp....waaaaaaaa! There it goes, a weird ball on a chain flying into the air. (maybe more exciting if it was chained to some convict´s ankle?) And the Number 1 moment of this years olympics was when, Juan Antonio Ramos, the Spanish favourite for the Taikwondo, he came 4th, was interviewed afterwards crying like a baby and shouted to the interviewer: "La vida es una mierda" LIFE IS SHIT! Yes motherfucker life IS shit, and its even shitter when you´re not sponsored by Nike. Fuck You!

Bluestreak said...

Kristy - sore loser much? Now I would definitely be into the ball-tossing-on-a-chain if it was chained to some asshole.