Friday, September 12, 2008

15 years in 10 bullet points

I´m not one for memes but this one I like, cause I get to obsess over my past. Found it on Fned´s site, read hers here.

Supposedly, I should sum up the last fifteen years of my life in 10 bullet points, so here goes.

1). 1993 - 1994= sophomore/junior in High School/ Hell. This time in my life completely sucked. I had braces (didn´t fix anything). I had zits (still do). I had no boobs (still don´t). So what´s the difference between then and now? Now I don´t give a shit.

Finally got asked to one of the stupid school dances that are designed to make fragile teens feel even more awkwardly pathetically inadequate than they already are. Got asked to the dance by super hot basketball star. Then he dumped my ass for some chick at our church. Jerk. Quit going to church.

2). 1995= Graduated High School/Hell. Discovered mind altering substances of many kinds. Hung around crowd that was so calculatingly un-hip that if you weren´t as un-hip as them, you were a total sell-out. Everyone was in a band and we would all stand around like idiots listening to the shitty music at underage shows (ok, some of it was good, but not half as good as we pretended it was).

3). 1996 - 1997= Happiness starts. Met my handful. Happiness short-lived because then, had my heart ripped out, chewed up, crapped out, stomped on, and finally hit by lightning by one of these guys (you'll never guess who. Watch long enough and you'll see him). He broke up with me probably because of my emotional, sexual, intellectual, social and musical retardation. But he never said it in so many words, cause he was too nice and was also one piss poor communicator.

Happiness sort of continues anyway vis-a-vis the consumption of way too many drugs and alcohol. Roommates had traveled through Europe. Europe? What? That sounds like fun. Ok, I´ll go. But before I leave, I think I'll have a brief love affair with my best friend. This helps get over nice bass player man.

4). 1998= Enter Spain. Wow, this feels like Disneyland. Seville is the caricaturized version of Europe, the replica of the Spain I had in my head, only better. Dropped out of school and started teaching English. Met my husband at La Carbonería. He was wearing a Pearl Jam t-shirt and his hair was long and curly enough and he was completely wonderful in his insanity. We were both sad and lonely and clung to each other like flies on shit.

5). 1999 - 2000= came to my senses and decided I needed to get the eff out of Spain and finish my degree. Moved back to Arizona. Lived alone. Loved living alone. No one took out the trash? My own damn fault. House clean? Yup, thanks to me. Had lots of phone sex with my boyfriend that was a million miles away.

Worked at an Irish Pub where the owner verbally abused all of the waitstaff but loved me and would beg me to go gambling with him, until he finally pissed his pub away. Like a loyal employee, I would go.

Managed to graduate with a degree in Religious Studies, a Certificate in Latin American Studies and a Minor in I-Don´t-Know-Why-the-Hell-I-Went-To-College-Cause-I´m-Never-Gonna-Get-A-Job-With-This-Shit.

6). 2001 - 2002= Moved back to Spain as an illegal immigrant and moved in with my (now) husband. Fought like assholes, mainly over him not doing jack shit around the house and me being a miserable bitchy girlfriend. Besides that, lived VERY well, on VERY little money. God, Spain was the shit in 2001.

7). 2003= Got married. I was only 25. Applied to grad school, got in and moved my Spanish husband back to the states. He hated it because no one understood his jokes, but, hey, we were happy spending 24-7 together and I would piss myself laughing at his jokes, cause they were damn funny even though nobody else got it.

8). 2004= Felt like the biggest fucking moron on the face of the planet in grad school. Had my ass reamed with feelings of total inadequacy on a daily basis. Questioned every single day why I was putting myself through the torture of the self-realization of cerebral ineptitude. But for some damn reason, I loved it. Felt happiness being surrounded by people with mild intellectual curiosity. Had my hand held by my husband while I shat myself from fear of scholarly leprosy.

9). 2005= Passed my Thesis defense with no revisions. Then put said thesis (i.e. my heart and soul) on bookshelf along with my masters degree in Sociology to collect dust and haven´t looked at them since. Moved back to Spain and joined the ranks of people in the real world that need to actually work and earn a living and leave fantasy-credit-card-land behind.

10). 2006 - 2008. Turned thirty. Began to feel the dull persistent pain of homesickness. Put my husband high up on my list of People I Blame For All The Shit That´s My Own Damn Fault. Beginning to discover that everything I ever thought I knew about myself needs to be scratched out and re-drafted in its entirety. Kinda too soon to write about this stuff. Wanna know what happened? This, this and this, oh, and this. I'm not liking this bullet point much.

So that's the last 15 years of my life in 10 bullet points. Ok, I need a nap. Hope you don´t need one after reading this.



Fned said...

I am so getting fired for writting comments on Blogs during my lunch hour (this company has a badass firewall I'm told) but fuck it.

THAT WAS THE BOMB!!! You've lived quite a life and I can identify with you on so many levels it's fucking scary (to think that there's another messed up gal out there and I am no longer The Only One).

I can't write about ALL the shit I'd like to on my own blog (since I made the grand mistake of giving the adress to me dear old Grandma) but I get it from the "had zits and no tits in Jr high" thing all the way to the "what tha fuck and I still doing in this crap city, and yet why the fuck am I not doing anything to get the hell out of here... oh yeah... cuz I need to make a living perhaps?" thing.

Dude, you need to come to Paris sometime.


Bluestreak said...

Fned - heee hee hee. Awwww, I´m someone´s messed up twin. God would I ever love to come to Paris. Don´t get fired, Fned. Thanks for blog idea cause I was seriously hurtin for material.

miss hell said...

hey! you be soundin really negative in this blog dear. we all know there were moments of complete and utter happiness mixed in there... somewhere. when the hell did i turn into an optimist? oh well, new misshell has been reborn, watch out! when i get back to spain the brainwashing shall begin :P

Bluestreak said...

miss hell - um, yeah, i just re-read my post and suppose it does sound kinda negative. and yes, I can always count on you to point out the negative take on things, you bitch. No, but really, the last 15 years have been heaven on earth. Uh...not really. God should strike me with lightning for my ungratefulness.

miss hell said...

snappy, i was reading your "older" posts and they all seem equally as negative, i guess i have a knack for pointing out the obvious. and yes now i have decided to idealize spain, once i get there it will switch back over to SF.

Bluestreak said...

misshell - yeah, sometimes I re-read and go "dammit, yup, i´m a bitch". Ok, gonna have to brain storm for cheery material. Any ideas? you and i are so much alike. yes, come back here and we´ll talk about how great the U.S. is even though neither of us can live there anymore.

the cubicle's backporch said...

This was awesome. And your life has been like 100x more interesting than mine. I may do this just for shits and giggles.

And I agree that High School dances are made to feel that absolute worst about yourself.

And this best friend affair thing- was it a female or a male?

Bluestreak said...

cubicle - yes, do one, I´ll keep my eye out. Best friend thing was male...god, it would have been a million times more confusing if it had been one of my girlfriends. no, no.

Rassles said...

I don't think you sound negative...I think you sound guilty.

But, I tend to see things in terms of guilt. American Irish Catholic, you know.

Theresa in Mèrida said...

That was so incredibly honest.I really enjoyed it, not enough to do my own but there really isn't a lot of change going on from 40 to 50 or at least not interesting change.

Bluestreak said...

rassles - there´s a lot of fucking up you can cram into 15 years, so of course I´m guilty. Mostly I feel guilty though for what I haven´t accomplished in that time compared to what I thought I would have accomplished. Rassles, you have to do one of these, I would love to read yours.

teresa - yeah, i started realizing that the older i got on the bullet list, the more it all sort of blobbed together, especially 2006 - 2008.

Rassles said...

Maybe I should...but it's just going to sound depressing.

And seriously? It sounds to me like you've accomplished more than half the people I know. Guilt is inevitable. Do you honestly regret some of it? Because I'm jealous of you for all of it.

Maggie, Dammit said...


You have done a LOT of living in those fifteen years, holy shit. We're about the same age, and my bullet points would have to be abbreviated they'd be so boring.


I like this. It kind of brings me up to speed on who you are.

Anonymous said...

"Beginning to discover that everything I ever thought I knew about myself needs to be scratched out and re-drafted in its entirety. "

Fucking 30. She's a great big bitch, that way.

Bluestreak said...

rassles - oh I doubt that. If I know you it would make me shit myself laughing. Accomplished??? I´m where I was ten years ago. DOING. EXACT. SAME. SHIT. I´ve even regressed. Only new thing in my life is the blog. Anyone that tells me they have no regrets automatically gets put high up on my list of people that need to get tased.

Maggie - I don´t believe that for one second that it would be boring. You ain´t foolin me.

Praying to Darwin - huge ass bitch for sure. Just went to a friends 30th birthday party yesterday and guess what I got her? Stuff from the sex shop (yeah, I have really poor taste). It was meant as a tool to help soften the blow of forthcoming crises and a warm welcome to the Dirty Thirties.

Rassles said...

I guess it depends on how you define "accomplished." I equate it to "interesting."

Yo Momma said...

you have lived quite a life and HEY!! we graduated the same year and we were both in europe at same time...although I was in Italy laughing at how all their names ended in a vowel and eating way too much pasta but it was okay because my metabolism was still the shit back then.